The Curse Of Women
by K-K-Girl
Summary: Yubaba punishes Haku for not wanting to be her apprentice by cursing him with every single woman after his blood. ~_^ has a very rair pair, as far as i can see. flame if you want.
1. Day One

A/N: okay. Too many ficlets. I am bad girl - TOO MANY FICLETS MUST UPDATE THEM ALL NOT WRITE MORE!!!!! Okay. I am weird.  
  
Disclaimer: I do NOT own Spirited Away  
  
Summery: Yubaba gets pissed at Haku (whom I will refer to as Kohaku in Third Person) for not wanting to be her apprentice any more, so she splashed some juice on him that is supposed to be a temporary curse. The Curse Of Having Every Female One Meets Fall In Love With The Cursed. What Yubaba didn't expect, though, was for something to go wrong - so now Kohaku is cursed forever! Eventually he has to find a cure, but STILL! Doesn't ***everybody*** want to read about Kohaku getting stalked by every female in the movie et al? Hey, yeah!  
  
Rating: PG just to be safe. ~_^  
  
Warnings: a little bit of Kohaku bashing, but he wins over in the end. :D this is probably my ONLY non-beating-up-Chihiro-filled-with-angst ficlet ever! Well, not ONLY. I'm working on a different one that doesn't bash Chihiro OR Haku. It'll be a humor-wanna-be. If you're interested. As for other warnings... if you don't like the thought of Kohaku being chased by the ladies then poo on you! also, this is probably the FIRST and ONLY Kohaku/Rin ficlet ever. Some flame me if you like. I don't care.  
  
That makes this an Automatic AU, since I'm considering Kohaku a bit old for Chihiro, and Chihiro and Haku just kids and friends.  
  
Genre: action/poor Haku!/romance? Maybe/ridiculousness/wanna-be- humor/complete idiocy. I haven't even started typing this and I think it sucks! Lol :D :D :D good thing I'm a good sport, eh?  
  
Chapter Started: 5/4/03  
Chapter Finished: 5/4/03  
  
Third Person POV  
  
About, maybe, fifteen minutes after the movie? Thirty?  
  
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After Chihiro had left, Kohaku turned and went straight to Yubaba's office, and informed her he was no longer her apprentice.  
  
"Excuse me?" she snapped, grumpy because "The Human" had escaped. "I haven't destroyed your contract, boy! You're stuck!"  
  
"YOU didn't destroy it, I did." Kohaku explained, and the entire box of papers next to Yubaba's desk burst into flame. She squawked and put the fire out. None of the papers were damaged - except one.  
  
"Great," she muttered, then, in a louder voice, "And what will you do now?" She paused. "okay, then, Haku; how about being my assistant instead? You can keep your name."  
  
He shook his head. "No. I'm free, Yubaba. You can't - won't - control me, never again."  
  
Yubaba was now VERY angry.  
  
"WHY YOU UNGRATEFUL LITTLE," She began, but in the next room over, Bou and the Yu-bird peeked out from the doorway. Yubaba sighed, then grabbed a bottle, magically filling it up with some stuff. Clear liquid.  
  
"Fine," she said, uncorking it and sniffing the contents. "Fine," She repeated. "then you'll have to suffer the consequences." And faster than the eye could blink (which is fast) she jerked her hand, and the clear liquid splashed out. All over Kohaku.  
  
"Oh, I'm sorry," she cooed. "it must have slipped. Never mind, never mind, if you wish to be free or whatever, then go ahead."  
  
Kohaku's eyes narrowed in suspicion.  
  
"Wait a second," he said, pushing his hair out of his eyes, where the liquid had splashed it.  
  
"Why, do you wish to sign another contract?"  
  
"No." Kohaku left, going to his room where he washed the stuff off thoroughly. He could faintly smell it, though, but couldn't quite press his finger to what it was. Bad, obviously, since this was , apparently, Yubaba's way of punishing him. So he took a bath, then washed his face and hair. Again. For a third time. You can never be too safe!  
  
With a sigh, Kohaku left his room, unsure of what to do now. As he walked down the hall, he passed Rin, who glanced at him as he passed. She continued walking for a moment, then froze, and whipped around, watching Kohaku as he walked away. the blankets and clothes in her arms dropped to the floor, and she immediately began following him.  
  
Kohaku, of course, was unaware of this until he stopped outside, just in front of the bridge. Everybody was inside back to doing their jobs, so it was quiet out here.  
  
That's when Kohaku heard Rin, then turned around.  
  
"Rin, what are you doing here?" he asked. Rin smiled sweetly.  
  
"Just... sightseeing," she said truthfully. Who could EVER lie to Haku, she thought.  
  
"Oh."  
  
There was a moment of silence.  
  
"And, uh, just *what* are you sightseeing?" Kohaku asked suspiciously. He had only JUST noticed how slightly Rin's eyes were glazed over with... something.  
  
'Oh, Kaonashi Poo,' Rin thought. 'Haku will run away and want to play catch- the-dragon with me if I tell him the truth.'  
  
While she thought, Kohaku was becoming VERY suspicious and wondering if Yubaba had anything to do with this.  
  
"Um," Rin said, going a little red in the face. She clasped her hands to her chest as though she were praying and bounced up and down, saying 'Um!' each time she touched the ground. Kohaku watched her bemusedly, no SEVERELY freaked out. This was VERY unlike Rin - what, was she some love-sick teenager?  
  
"Um, see," Rin said, saying the first thing other than a girlish 'um' in a while. "I was wondering if," she continued, still bouncing up and down like that.  
  
Suddenly, there was a commotion, and something tackled Rin to the ground. it was one of the Yuna, women workers at the Aburaya.  
  
"OH NO YOU DON'T!" she snarled, and Kohaku bared witness to his first cat- fight over him. He didn't know it was over him, of course, but it WAS his first cat fight.  
  
And, as always when watching a cat-fight for the first time, he was momentarily mesmerized.  
  
"I know exactly what you were going to do," the Yuna snarled.  
  
"You can't stop me!" Rin snarled back.  
  
"Ho yeah? Not if I strangle you with your mother's umbilical cord first!"  
  
"HA! Was that a threat?"  
  
It took a moment for common sense to hit Kohaku square in the head, and he backed up onto the bridge just as they rolled past, biting, kicking, scratching, clawing, snarling, and all of that god stuff in cat-fights.  
  
"Uh, ladies," he said, voice raised slightly. "It'd be nice if you stopped, you know, fighting."  
  
To our hero's surprise, they did, and were automatically on their feet with identical bows.  
  
"I'm sorry!" they chorused. "is there anything you would like us to do for you?"  
  
Yes, Kohaku was more than JUST officially freaked out!  
  
"Uh... No..." he said carefully, backing away.  
  
"Wait, I want to help you," Rin said, coming closer. So did the Yuna.  
  
"Yes, Master Haku, let us help you!" she said.  
  
He backed away even more. "Uh, you're scaring me..." he informed them, but alas! To no avail.  
  
Ten minutes later, one could watch Kohaku charge pass, Rin and the Yuna on his tail. He ran into the bathhouse, intending to find a place to hide, but this proved fatal. Every single (female) head turned to him when he entered.  
  
But hey, Ladies and Gentlemen, let's give him some credit! He DID just make thirty laps around the island in just ten minutes.  
  
And NOW he realized that running inside was a bad idea in record time!  
  
So our hero turned and bolted right out, dodging Rin and Yuna#1, while everybody else chased after him, even the guests.  
  
He escaped, though, by transforming into a dragon and flying high.  
  
A whole bunch of loud, disappointed groans could be heard.  
  
Kohaku ended up sneaking to Kamajii's boiler room just as everything was shutting down.  
  
"Ah, young Kohaku," said Kamajii as the dust-balls disappeared. "What can I do for you? did you quit being Yubaba's apprentice?"  
  
"Yeah," he said miserably. "I did."  
  
"Why so down, then?"  
  
So Kohaku ended up sputtering out the whole thing.  
  
"Hmm, that doesn't sound like Rin, or the others, for that matter, she was just in here a moment ago and seemed perfectly normal."  
  
"Kamajii, what am I going to do?" Kohaku asked.  
  
"You know, Kohaku, the ladies'll be plaguing you the rest of your life," Kamajii informed him. "so suck up, learn patience, and you'll survive."  
  
"Sure," Kohaku said doubtfully. "I think... I think Yubaba did something to them. They weren't like that before."  
  
"Sure they were, before you became Yubaba's apprentice. Well, a few were, at least."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Yes. You may not have noticed, though, since you were more concerned with other things."  
  
"Oh." Kohaku frowned. "even Rin?"  
  
"Oh, I imagine she's had a little crush on you for a while."  
  
Kohaku looked down. "Oh. But, either way, can I stay here for the night?"  
  
"Sure, why not."  
  
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AND so the nightmare begins... 


	2. Day Two

A/N: Geeze. Wowie. Holy Coconuts. People actually think this is funny? I mean, you guys *ACTUALLY* want me to continue? Woah. I figured I'd get a flame for the coupling and that was it. Shoot. Well, I like this arrangement much better! *blushes* You guys are just saying that stuff. =^_^=  
  
Disclaimer: Well. I guess you'll just have to try and figure out why I'm putting a disclaimer in here, then, hmm? I don't own Sen to Chihiro no Kamikakushi (a.k.a. Spirited Away). Ya? Ya.  
  
Chapter Started: 5/5/03  
Chapter Finished: 5/11/03  
  
The Next Day  
  
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Cautiously, Haku poked his head out of the little door to Kamajii's boiler room.  
  
The coast was clear.  
  
Still being ever-so-careful, he crept out wrapped in a white sheet (sure, he'd be humiliated should he be caught - but that was a chance Haku was willing to take) and managed to make his way to the elevator without being attacked.  
  
So far so good.  
  
He hadn't gotten up early in the morning to think of this one for nothing.  
  
And, as luck would have it, Haku managed to get to the doors of Yubaba's office (in this fashion) and creep in, waiting for her to return. He threw off the sheet and sat down in exasperation. When had it come to this? Yubaba had to have done something - with the liquid. Must have been.  
  
Haku intended to find out exactly.  
  
He sat so still that when Yubaba and her trusty bird returned, neither noticed Haku until Yubaba had put her newly-stolen trinkets into her little treasure box and turned around to see Haku standing - sitting - there right behind her, watching.  
  
Yubaba squawked in surprise, as did her Yu-bird.  
  
"DON'T DO THAT!" She screeched at Haku. A moment later, composure regained, she sat calmly at her desk. "so, you've come to reconsider your resignation, eh?"  
  
"No," Haku snapped "there was something in that stuff you splashed on me the other day. I want to know what it is."  
  
"Whatever are you talking about?" She asked, trying to come off innocent.  
  
She failed miserably, of course.  
  
Haku went into neutral-mode, never moving, blinking, or breaking eye contact.  
  
They glared at each other in this manner for quite a while.  
  
Then Our Hero became aware of the Yu-bird nestled at his feet.  
  
'Not you too,' he thought desperately. 'please, please, please, not the bird too....' The Yu-bird hopped onto his shoulder, fluffing out its feathers, comfortably nestled against Haku's neck. He stifled a groan.  
  
THEN and only THEN it struck him for what Yubaba might have done to him.  
  
His eyes grew wide, and Yubaba smirked as she realized he was just figuring it out.  
  
"You *didn't*!" Haku cried.  
  
"Didn't what?" she asked, still playing the innocent act.  
  
"T- that potion!" Haku sputtered. He remembered that potion very well - he also remembered finding the only cure where Yubaba had hidden it and destroying it out of spite. "that potion w- with all of the opposite sex and, and attracted, and, and, and..." he stopped when he realized he was stuttering. With a couple of deep breathes he managed to go back into neutral-mode.  
  
Yubaba couldn't hold it in any longer and burst out laughing.  
  
The smile was wiped off her overly large face with Haku's next - rather unexpected - words, though;  
  
"I'M GONNA KILL YOU, YUBABA!" He roared at the top of his lungs, and made a lunge for the culprit.  
  
Yubaba actually screamed for the first time in her life and barely darted out of the way. The Yu-bird, which had been quite content where it was, squawked as it fell from its comfy perch, and looked around wildly.  
  
It didn't seem to mind the fact that its "true love" was chasing after its master, both screaming bloody murder for separate reasons.  
  
After a moment of thought, it decided that it hadn't liked Yubaba anyway, and joined Haku in tearing up the room and chasing her around.  
  
It was actually a help, really, slowing Yubaba down by pecking wildly at her nose like that.  
  
Finally, Bou the Baby even poked his big head out to see what all the commotion was.  
  
"Baba?" he asked dumbly. Yubaba froze.  
  
This, being unexpected, caused the Yu-bird to go screeching into the window, and Haku slammed his heels into the floor, keeping himself from running into the sorceress.  
  
"What are you doing out of bed, dearie?" Yubaba asked.  
  
"Its so loud."  
  
"Its him," Yubaba said automatically, pointing at Haku. "he's making all of the noise and being a terrible nuisance of himself."  
  
"Oh." Bou went back to bed.  
  
Yubaba turned angrily to Haku.  
  
"Fine! I admit it, I used the last of the potion on you!"  
  
"Well thank you *VERY* much," Haku replied.  
  
"If you can find the cure, then you can get rid of it."  
  
"I already found the cure, right after you created it. and I destroyed it."  
  
Yubaba froze again. Shoot. She hadn't expected this. Good thing the potion didn't affect her.  
  
"Well, then I guess you're stuck that way." She smirked. "there's another magic cure that I might consider using if you reconsider your decision."  
  
"No there isn't. besides, you are going to lose a lot of money over this since over half your employees will be chasing after me."  
  
Yubaba resembled a badly made statue right about now. She swore.  
  
Haku imitated her in a very un-Haku-like fashion. It took him a moment to realize what he was doing - saying.  
  
Not to get the wrong impression, of course - it was a rather good imitation, really.  
  
"NOW YOUR POTION IS BEGINNING TO AFFECT ME TOO!" He roared at the top of his lungs once again, and the chase commenced once more.  
  
When common sense finally hit Yubaba she stopped and put a freezing spell on Haku.  
  
"Enough," she snapped, rearranging her hair. "there is another magic cure, but I don't know what it is. Just go figure it out, and hurry, because I don't want all of my employees gushing over your," she wrinkled up her face. "-big green eyes and silky dark hair. Got that? You know that I'd help you if you just reconsidered your options a bit more."  
  
"Screw off."  
  
That reply was unexpected on all sides. Literally.  
  
Yubaba's jaw dropped a little bit, and the Yu-bird, who had just regained consciousness, fainted again. Haku had a very un-Haku-like intuition to clap his hands to his mouth and apologize.  
  
Okay, this was bad.  
  
"The potion isn't supposed to affect you that much," she observed. "Hmm. Something must have gone wrong when it was made."  
  
Inwardly, Haku (who was outwardly in neutral mode) was in panic-mode. He never ever acted this way! This was bad, bad, bad! As in, very bad. Out Of Character could result in Lots Of Embarrassment. He was good at ignoring embarrassing things - he never embarrassed himself in the first place. but if THIS kept up he'd probably be falling to his knees in tears every time a frog passed.  
  
Like mentioned before: very, very bad.  
  
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A/N: okay, that was short and stupid. Sorry about that. 


End file.
